


Matt Murdock x Reader : Under My Skin

by SidneyDR



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 14:39:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16042487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SidneyDR/pseuds/SidneyDR
Summary: Summary: The reader works at Nelson & Murdock and had a traumatic childhood. One day at the office the one that cause the trauma walks in and the reader panicks triggering the trauma once again.TRIGGER WARNINGS: MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNINGS ON THIS ONE! Warnings for: Child abuse, abuse, not rape but sexual abuse and trauma. I did not go into to much details in the story.





	Matt Murdock x Reader : Under My Skin

**Author's Note:**

> My most personal x reader fic that I have ever written and probably ever will. I decided to share this one as someone who has gone or is going through the same thing might find strenght or comfort in this story.

It was a quiet day at the office of Nelson & Murdock, yet you had managed to get a headache.

Karen had just finished some paperwork she had been working on from one of the cases.

She groaned and stood “God, I need some coffee. Do you want some too? You look a little pale there, (y/n).”

You smile lightly and nod “Oh yes please. My head is killing me.” you rubbed your temple with you fingers.

She gave you a compassionate look “I’ll get you some coffee then and check if there are some painkillers somewhere.”

You stretched your arms “ Thank you, you’re the best.”.

She made her way to the coffee machine when someone knocked on the main door to the office.

You groaned, not wanting to handle a client with a massive headache right now.

Karen laughed “Don’t worry, i’ll help this one. Matt and Foggy will be back soon”.

You managed a smile. “My hero.”.

 

 

You continued to focus on the paper in front of you until a voice snapped you back to reality in an instant. At first you thought you were imagining things but as the voice spoke again you realised you were not. Your heart started to race and not in a good way. In a way that screamed danger. You would recognize the voice and who it belonged to anywhere. The times you wished you never had to hear it again were infinite.

You resisted the urge to hide under your desk, like you had hid so many times when you were little. Instead you made a dart for the door and locked it with a swift move. Heart still racing, you tried to get your breathing under control and stay focused as the adrenaline was rushing through your veins.

Only one thing kept going through your mind over and over again, the words ‘Please go away’.

You prayed to anyone that might listen that he would not come in here. Embarrassment and fear were fighting in the back of your mind.

You listened to what the man said to Karen, you could hear him asking questions and realise he was being accused of something and that is why he is looking for a lawyer.

Karen replied to all his questions, and one of his jokes made her laugh. Your stomach turned, and anger slowly rose in you.

 

 

You heard another door open and hear Foggy and Matt enter the room where Karen and the man were.

They invited the man in the other office room and you heard them shut the door. You quickly unlocked the door and heard Karen approaching. She opened the door and walked in the room leaving the door open, you were grabbing your things together as quickly as humanly possible. You had to get out of the building, hell even out of this street.

“(y/n) ? Are you okay? Did something happen?” the worry in karen’s voice was evident as she approached you. Shaking your head you shove your laptop in your bag almost dropping it. As you turned and resisted bolting out of the door Karen stepped in front of you and put her hands on both your arms.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” your eyes were pulled to the open door and your anxiety hightened. You had to think of something fast to get past Karen.

“Uhm” you gave her an apologetic look “ i’m going home, my headache is killing me and I don’t feel so good.”

Karen removed her hand and noded “Do you want me to drive you home?”.

You quickly shook your head “ No, I think i’ll manage to get home. But thank you. Will you tell the other’s i’m taking the rest of the day off?”.

She noded “I will, take care of yourself. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You quickly went past her and almost bolted through the door to leave the building.

 

 

You ran down the stairs as fast as your legs could carry you, almost falling a couple of times. Once outside you started to calm down a little bit. You continued to walk home, looking over your shoulder every few steps. Once you had arrived at your appartment you went inside and locked the door also locking the security chain. You took a deep breath, it felt as if you had not breathed in the last couple of minutes. Sitting down on the couch you burried your head in your hands as the tears you were holding back started to fall.

Never had you expected that today you would almost bump into the man that abused you as a child. You felt nauseous at the thought and angry. Angry that after all these years you still run. Angry that he would be shaking hands and being friendly with your friends. Angry that he would be asking Foggy and Matt to be his lawyers. Matt, the thought of Matt having to shake hands and helping him with his case crushed you. You have had feelings for Matt for a while now. You even knew that he was the devil of Hell’s Kitchen. The thought of him being in the same room as that man, made you so angry and desperate that you took the vase from the coffee table and threw it against the wall.

Desperate. That was the best word to describe it. You had wanted to tell someone so many times but everytime you came close it was as if you just shut down.

Even now you could still feel the adrenaline rushing through you, you decided to take a shower. A long shower in an attempt to calm down.

A couple of hours past and as the evening fell your thoughts still wandered around what had happened today. You looked over to the shattered pieces of the vase you had thrown, and had no motivation to clean it up. At least not today.

Right when you sank back in your couch you heard a knock on your door. You bolt upright, heart racing again. You sat there frozen, not saying anything until you hear a voice.

“ (y/n)? It’s me. Can you open the door please?” you sighed with relief when you heard Matt’s voice.

Walking over to the door you unlocked the locks. “Hey, Matt. What are you doing here so late?”. Usually Matt would be busy with his other job at this hour.

He gave you a small smile “Can I come in ?”.

You stepped aside “Oh, yeah sure. Offcourse.”

He walked in and you shut the door and the locks again. “Karen told me you were not feeling well today so I wanted to check if you were alright?”

 

You turned to him and before this moment you had not considered the possibility that Matt could have sensed how your body reacted the way it did earlier today. And if he did, it would be a tricky thing to lie to him about it.

“Yeah.. uhm. I had a massive headache. But I’m fine now really.”

Matt waited a moment to talk and you tried your best to calm your nerves. “So nothing else happened?” he asked and you can hear that he doubts what you say.

You shook your head “Nope. I appreciate that you worry about me but I’m fine.”

He walked around your appartment a bit, before he stilled. “Why in such a rush though?”

Confused you looked at him “ What ?”

He turned to you “Why where you in such a rush when you left ?”.

You did not know how to reply right away “ I uhm, I just really wanted to take a painkiller. Like I said MASSIVE headache. You must know what that can be like.”

He nodded, his hightened sense of hearing could indeed give him massive headaches from time to time. “I do. I’m sorry, I was just worried something might have happened to you. When you need me to listen, i’m here for you.” he stepped back towards where you were standing at the door.

You couldn’t help but smile at what he just said, it was bittersweet. How could you tell him what really happened. You were afraid of how he might respond. And afraid you would be treated different once they knew, if they would believe you to begin with. “I know. Thank you, Matt. And.. Likewise.”

He took one of your hands in his and gave it a slight reasuring squeeze. “Goodnight (y/n). I’ll see you tomorrow?”.

It was hard at this moment to control your nerves and you managed to nod which he noticed. He unlocked and opened the door and smiled once more to you before he left.

Your heart was racing, not out of fear this time.

 

The next day you arrived at work early, trying to make up for leaving like that yesterday. You were halfway through a stack of papers when Karen, Matt and Foggy came in.

“Jeez, you’re early (y/n).” Foggy said to you. You smiled at him and handed him the starbuck you had brought for him.

“Gotta make up for yesterday.”

“And she brought coffee, you are officially my favorite person today.” he said as he took the coffee from you.

“I’m honored.”

Karen chuckled at the conversation and you handed her her coffee.

“Feeling better today ?” she asked.

You nodded “Much better.” and gave her a smile.

You handed the last coffee to Matt.

“Goodmorning, i’m very glad to see that you feel better today. You seem calmer as well.”

You smiled “I’m glad to be here. Thank you again for checking up on me yesterday.”

He smiles back at you “It was my pleasure.”

A moment of awkward silence past.

“I’m gonna -” he said as he nodded in the direction of his office.”

“Oh yeah, uhm good luck today.” you said and stepped backwards towards your desk.

“You too.” he said and gave you a cheeky grin.

 

You were sitting at your desk for around 2 hours when a knock was heard on the door to the offices. Your eyes shot up and your heart instantly started to race again. Karen walked to the door and opened it and you looked as an elderly woman walked with Karen past your office. You breathed a sigh of relief. You tried to push it away but the events of yesterday were still affecting you.

For the rest of the day, everytime someone knocked on the door a shot of adrenaline would pass through your veins. Needless to say you were glad the day was over.

 

You packed up your stuff when Matt walked to your desk while greeting Karen and Foggy who were leaving.

You could see the troubled look on his face, and with that you knew that your heart rate and bloodpressure must have drawn his attention during the day.

He waited until Karen and Foggy left before he finally spoke “Something did happen yesterday, didn’t it?”

You shook your head, the last thing you wanted is to be bothered again with the questions you couldn’t answer to him.

Because telling the truth would be painfull. So you did what you did with all the other people that once asked the same question, you became distant.

“Nothing happened, Matt. I was just not feeling well.” you said coldly and he noticed your switch in tone.

“There is something you are not telling me.” he shook his head, both confussion and persistence in his voice.

You ignored him and continued to throw your stuff in your bag, getting ready to leave.

Matt was confused at your sudden cold approach.

“You were scared at times today. Yesterday I could hear your heart beat without even trying, it was so clear that I could have heard it at the other side of the city.”

You stuffed the last thing in your bag, deciding to ignore Matt and walked passed him.

He groaned in frustration.

“I noticed the broken vase on the floor of your appartment.” he said and you paused.

“Did your headache make you throw that vase?” They way he said it made it clear that he knew you were lying last night.

You were standing with your back turned to him, battling the tears you felt stinging in your eyes.

Matt must have noticed as his voice was pleading when he spoke again.

“Please (y/n), let me help you.”

You closed your eyes “I’m sorry, Matt.”.

It was all you could say before you walked out of the door.

 

When you arrived home, you could not help but feel guilty. You knew Matt would listen and shutting him out was the last thing you wanted to do. The truth is that you had no idea how to even start a conversation like that. How would you explain what happened to you, while you still couldn’t manage to put the details of what happened into words? The details even made you sick to your stomach just thinking back on it.

How would Matt react ? You did not want him anywhere near that guy. Not even as Daredevil. You just wanted it all to go away, that it would be forgotten and buried back in the past. Yet it was clear now that the past can not be buried just like that. Not even to yourself.

You rubbed your temples. You were torn between finally telling someone or letting this whole thing pass by. But letting it pass by has not worked out.

Which leaves you only the other option, to tell Matt.

You groaned in frustration, knowing this would not be easy. Not for you to tell your story or for Matt to hear it.

In your mind you practiced how you would tell. What would be the best way to make it clear without having to bring up the details ?

You thought about it, even wrote it down. And after a few hours you finally decided how you would talk about it.

It would be hard to start the conversation, that is one of the reason why you never spoke about it.

You grabbed your coat before your courage would falter and left your appartment.

 

You lived pretty close to Matt, so you decided to walk to his appartment. When you arrived at his door you hesitated, but you knew he knew you were in the building, with his damn high hearing abilities. You took a deep breath before you knocked on the door.

Only a few seconds later Matt opened the door. He did look suprised to see you there anyway.

“(y/n)? Hi, I did not expect you. Do you.. do you want to come in?”

You nodded and moved past him inside. “Sorry, i’m visiting this late. I think we need to talk.”

Matt closed the door and walked to you “I don’t mind at all. Do you want to sit down?” he asked as he directed to the couches.

You took a seat on the couch waiting for him to sit down. When he did you knew he waited for you to start the conversation.

“I’m sorry for how I reacted today. I know you were trying to help me. I just did not know how to tell you. I still am not sure how I should say all of this.”

He nodded “ You don’t need to apologize (y/n), whatever it is, I am here for you.”

You looked up at him and noticed that you had his full attention, he was calm and it made you less nervous.

Looking at your hands you started.

“When I was little I… uh..” you paused thinking “something happened.”

A frown appeared on Matt’s face but he remained silent waiting for you to continue.

“Not long after we moved to another part of the town, my familly made a new 'friend'” You said the word friend in a way that made it clear it was obviously not that. “He would come by our house often, and after a while he would come every day.” You glanced outside through the window before continueing to speak.

“At first things were fine, normal. But little things started to happen at first. I found them strange and odd but thought it was just a joke or something.”

You looked up from your hands and saw Matt was listening intently to what you were saying.

“Can you tell me what you mean with little things?” his voice was calm yet inquisitive.

You wondered for a moment if you would answer him, but nodded. “ He would walk with a familly member through the house often, and sometimes if I was standing close he would..uhm” your eyes dropped and you swallowed “try to touch me. He always made sure no one else saw it happen.”

Out of the corner of your eye you could see Matt’s jaw thighten as your words got through to him.

You tried not to look at him as you told your story “ I always tried to keep a distance, because I felt something was odd. After a while it stopped. At least that is what I thought, and after a while I just thought I had misinterpreted the situation.”

“How old were you when this happened (y/n)?” his voice calm yet you knew he was trying his best to hide anger.

You shook your head “Uhm.. I think I was around 8 when that happened.”

Matt could only shake his head at the revelation.

“There’s more.” you said, your voice slightly shaking. Matt looked back up at you and you continued. “He started to bring gifts often to our house, for me. Toys, candy, that kind of stuff.” your stomach turned and you still felt that guilt for accepting those gifts as a child.

“One day when my parents where not in the room he made me come closer, he wanted to give me something. I thought nothing of it and went to him. When I got close enough he suddenly pulled me on his lap. I froze. When my mother came in the room he quickly let me go.” your voice dropped. And you were quiet for some time. Not you or Matt spoke.

“Again I blamed it on misinterpreting the situation. I didn’t know.” you felt Matt’s hand on yours suddenly and you looked at him. Mixed emotions visible on his face, sadness, disgust and rage. All of the emotions you felt and recognized as well. Matt wanted to speak but you quickly continued the story, perhaps even the most important part. “ Some time past and one day, my mother had to go to the store next door, she would only be gone for maybe 10 minutes. He was there. I wanted to walk past him but he grabbed my arm and pulled me on his lap again. I decided to resist this time and tried to get away but I wasn’t strong enough. I’ll never forget that feeling, realising how weak I really was. My mother was back soon but those minutes where the longest and worst minutes of my childhood. I never wore those clothes again after that day.”

You stayed silent once more. Giving Matt time to process what you just told him, and when it did Matt suddenly stood up walked a few paces then turned towards you.

“What’s his name?” his voice was no longer calm, the anger that was hidden was now clear.

You shook your head “Matt, please don't”.

“What ?”

“I don’t want you to get involved in this.”

Matt stood silent for a while before moving his hand through his hair making it a mess as he tried to compose himself.

“That’s not the whole story.” you sighed. “ I never told anyone, not even my parents. I always hid in my room when he would be at our house. And he would be there for hours. So my room basically became my world and my shelter.

I would always run away if he showed up somewhere.” you did not realise as you said this that Matt would connect what happened yesterday to what you just told him so fast.

“He was at the office yesterday, the guy that did this to you ? That’s why you panicked ?” it was a question but the way he said it made it sound like a statement.

“Yes.” was all you could say. Still feeling embarrassment over running away even after all this time.

With this said Matt grabbed a glass from his kitchen counter and flung it against the wall. You jumped, at this point Matt was not hiding his anger anymore. You couldn’t blame him, you felt the same everytime you think about what happened. And you have broken many more things because of it.

“ Did he..”

You answered before he could finish the sentence “No. He didn’t see me. Karen let him in. I hid in the room.”

“But I met him?” he was more composed again.

You nodded “Yes, you and Foggy. He wanted you guys to help him with a case.”

Matt scoffed as he walked a few steps in the room rubbing his hands on his face. He stilled “ There were only three clients in yesterday. Two of them were women.”.

Your eyes popped up at him, you didn’t want to tell his name but Matt had figured it out by himself it seems.

“Matt..” your voice pleading “ I just want to forget about this. It is the past. Besides it is too late to do anything about it.” you stood and walked towards him.

“For the law perhaps but-”

“Matt !” you interupted him.

“Not to me.” he said and you knew he would not let this go. Good lord it was easy to forget how stubborn he could be.

You groaned.

“We can’t let him just get away with this (y/n)!”

“It is not your decision to make !” you tried to stay calm your rubbed your face.

He paused, thinking before he spoke again. “ Alright. But I can make sure he does not show his face in Hell’s Kitchen again.”

This did not sound like a bad idea to you, at least you could live your live without fearing to bump into him.

“You’re not going to let this go are you?”

“ Not a chance.” he said determined

You sighed “Fine. But Matt, please-”

“I know” he nodded to you. “Can I ask you something? Something I don’t really understand yet.”

“Offcourse.”

“ Why did you never talk about it before ?”

“Honestly, the worst part was not even what happened. It was how people treated me afterwards. They only saw a child running away from someone and concluded I was being rude to a man, a family friend, who had given me so many gifts.  
They found it funny, a little girl’s 'imagination’ running wild. That is why I never told anyone. I felt so humiliated. I still feel like it was my fault, why did I never find it strange that he would bring me gifts? I felt dirty, like I had been bought and should not complain.”

Matt stepped closer to you and took your hands in his. For a moment you felt those familiar butterflies in your stomach again.

“It was not your fault. None of it was. What he did was wrong, so wrong in so many ways.”

You shook your head, you knew he was right but it was hard to believe it. He noticed your doubting.

“(y/n) None of it..” he pulled you into a strong hug “none of it was your fault, he abused you. He was an adult taking advantage of a young child.”

As he said that, you broke down crying, as if a chain had broken inside you letting you go free.

You both stood there, as your sobbing slowly stopped.

“Why did you decide to tell me?”

“Because I feel safe when i’m with you.” you answered him truthfully.

You felt him placing a kiss on your forehead.

“I am glad to hear that.”

 

As you walked into the office the next day, feeling like a burden had been lifted from your shoulders and heart. You saw Matt and by the meaningfull look he gave you, you knew you wouldn’t have to be afraid in Hell’s Kitchen again.


End file.
